THank you all for your replies but for a few pp I believe they misunderstood what I was trying to get across. Choose to be angry if you will, but this is a semi open adoption because I initiated it. The bio mom did not want her family knowing our daughter and is just now (4 years later) worrying what her bio son will think of the fact that she gave up his little “sister” for adoption. We will see these people a few times a year and my daughter already knows she grew in “b’ belly. If I explain a bio brother to her at this point in her life, she would go to pieces. She is already worried about every child that doesn’t look happy and I don’t want her dealing with a bio BROTHER that in her eyes may not have the things he needs. However if I could explain that they both came from the same “tummy” then maybe she will slowly overtime as she sees him here and there realize the relationship. I asked her what makes a mommy a mommy and she said “the one who cares for you” and that is what I ‘m putting in her book for when she learns what growing in someone elses tummy really means. She has imaginary siblings daily and I am not ready for her to worry about a “brother” that she will wander about. She can know him as the other one that grew in “bs” tummy but he will not be called brother (for the sake of my daughter). Unfortunately titles are important to me and I feel i have went above and beyond initiating contact and being the main driving force behind any visits.
from an adoption forum
Adoptive Parents Speak 
J.L. said,
August 4, 2011 at 11:16 pm
Sigh. What a lunatic. That is her brother and she has a right to know that now, not when she’s an adult and the can no longer bar her from knowing that truth. I find it so twisted how she professes the importance of titles to herself. Sure they are, they’re important when she gets to claim the titles and over whom, such as claiming she’s the mommy and that the daughter of the authentic mother is hers, and that the authentic brother is just some boy. That these are the people getting to raise other people’s children, really explains alot as to why most of them are infertile and why there’s so many damaged people!