Just Sayin

In regard to some of the comments I am not and will not post

Defensive behaviors can be the result of a:

* Challenge to private or public perceptions of ourselves.

* Desire to be perfect in the public’s eye.

* Lack of self-confidence.

* Fear of being found to be less than what was previously thought.

* Fear of a loss of status.

* Fear of rejection.

hoop jumping

We really resented the hoop jumping too, but we had to let go of those feelings
(not always easy) and put on a show. We had two failed matches before adopting
our son, so we had to “perform” for three different women! Draining and awkward.
It was easier each time

from an adoption forum

Knowing that he or she is yours

I’ve read a lot of the post you all have put on here and thougt I would share my story with you. My husband and I resently went through an adoption but where as most of you find out your adopting months in advance we found out only days before the baby was due. So as we scrambled to pull everything together my nerves got the best of me and I just broke down from the doubts that this was to good to be true, what if she changes her mind or what if something is wrong with the baby since i didn’t carry her like my sons. I soon realized that God had a plan and I was just to go with it and see where he was leading me. Thankfully the baby didn’t want to come out so we had 2 weeks extra to get everything finished and buy all the esentials we needed for this baby girl. I was i n the delivery room when my sweet Emma was born and we got to name the baby the birth mother was emotional as were we for this drematic event in all of our lifes but we were so excited at the same time. a few weeks after Emma was born the birth mom decided to try and change her mind devistated I went to our lawyer and we started a petition for us to keep our little Angel and as our luck had it we won. Emma is now 7 1/2 months and is her daddy’s girl and her mommies world and I hope that any of you looking to adopted stay with it there is heartache and drama involved in any adoption but holding that new adition in your arms for the first time and knowing that he or she is yours is the best feeling in the world!!!!!
 
from a diapering forum
 

Might Sound Awful

The situation with BM is quite a bit different than most. We are in eachothers circle of friends. We have many mutual friends, we are both from the same small town and my sister actually went to school with her and in the same grade.
As much as I might sound awful for saying this.. I’m kind of glad because she has more pressure on her to follow through. Not only because she knows she in no way can financially support another child and because she knows alot of people we know mutually know she has offered to let us adopt this baby

from a diapering forum

 

Yeah I forgot the title lol

You need some psychological help. You seem very bitter and angry about the adoption situation. YES God is Almighty, loving and caring, and sometimes, people need to learn a lesson about being RESPONSIBLE for their own actions! So he gives someone a child-and takes it away for someone else-or himself. It is his right he is GOD! If you aren’t able to parent the child, make decisions in the childs best interest, like finding a stable home, giving up drugs and alcohol, not living in an abusive relationship, NOT having sex when it can make a child, then you need to consider what is IN THE CHILDS BEST INTEREST-not your own for what ever reason, The child didn’t ask for you to have unprotected sex and cause his life to begin-you asked for the sex and got a child out of it. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS, and get the help you so desperately need to put the pain of giving up your child, or being placed for adoption yourself where it belongs, in God’s hands. We don’t need radicals making us feel bad for doing what is best in OUR own lives on this site. Whether it was to adopt/ or place for adoption our children. This is our decision, not some radical angry persons. You couldn’t raise your own, so don’t tell us how to raise ours by spewing hatred and venom to people who are asking for help.

From a Mothering Forum (actually said to an adoptee)

I want THIS baby

I got a phone call this morning from the adoption agency letting me know that the birth mother said no to us because we have not been married long enough and she is worried about our marriage not working.  I am so upset because both the adoption agent and the social worker told us that there was not going to be any problems with her not choosing us.  Well, they were wrong….but then they tell us that there is still a chance that she may come back to us, we are just not her first choice.  It is so hard because they gave us her medical records so we had the sonogram pictures, we were going to name her Lillian Grace, we have clothes and everything…It feels so unfair, but I know that she has the best interest of her baby at heart…the adoption lady told me to write her a letter to the birth mother telling her a little more about ourself and our marriage…This feels like the biggest let down I’ve ever had…it’s like they took her away from me, even though I didn’t have her….I want THIS baby….I wish that her birth mother could realize how much my husband and I mean to each other and how strong our marriage is.  I just got my hopes up way too high….
From a Mothering Forum
 

All the Time

I would put my child throw seeing him. You never know what he might try to do. He gave him up. I understand what you are going throw me and my husband as adopt a little girl that is now 17 month and it’s an open. I talk to them throw email and text but I wouldn’t want them to see her now cause I’m scared they would ask all the time.

From a Mothering Forum

Until They Backed Out

I am so sorry you are having to live with waiting hell. We had our first baby for three months when the bdad decided he wanted our baby. I was scared to death and cried for weeks. Looked at the quickest route to Mexico. Our story has a happy ending, the father did not have a job, did not want to raise the baby- wanted to give it to a family member then the family member backed out. He never did relinquish rights, he just did not show up to the appointed court dates three times. In the end his rights were terminated. I tell you it was so hard to wait. What really helped us was our lawyer. He searched public records and found out a lot of trash on him and his family. He (lawyer) “Hammered” the family until they all backed out.
I will pray for you and your son. Nothing like knowing the pain the make you want to pray for others in the same situation.
Keep us posted!

From a Fertitlity Forum

Malpractice

My best friend just had her adoptive baby taken away after nearly a month of the baby being in their home. The birth mom changed her mind and made my friend and her husband relinquish the baby at a police station near their house. The adoption atty represented both parties and was no help at all. He didn’t even try to mediate the situation when it started to implode. Nor was he there for the baby hand off. I am at a loss to know what to do to help my best friends. They are grieving something awful and I fear they will do something drastic. Can anyone out there help me to know what to do for my friends? I’d like to know if their atty in malpractice because he didn’t ‘do’ anything to try to mediate the situation?

from a fertility forum

Annoying

I wanted to check back with all of you and see where you are in your attachment to your kids. I am in the beginning stages of realizing I have an issue. We have 2 bio kids (4 and 2 yrs old) and we have an adopted daughter whom we’ve had since she was 5 months old (she is now 21 months) and I still do not feel like I like her very much. I adore naptime and bedtime so I can get her away from me. She is a normal little girl (with her fair share of health issues in the beginning) and acts exactly like a 21 month old should act. Maybe it’s a hard age because she’s so needy and not able to verbally express herself fully yet. I agree with people on here talking about their adopted kids being annoying to them. That’s exactly how I feel, she is just annoying in everything she does. My bio daughter and her bother suck their thumbs. It drives me nuts the way her mouth looks when she sucks her thumb, but my bio daughter doesn’t bother me at all with it. In fact I think it’s cute she does it. Little things like this. We are adopting her bio sibling (due any day now) and because I’ve been around for the entire pregnancy and been involved in her care I already feel more attached to the baby than I do to my AD. I’m overall a crappy person and I want to fast forward the next 2 years so I can just have a talking kid that isn’t so dang needy. I had no issues carring and loving my bio kids. So I thought adopting would be a piece of cake and I’d fall madly in love with the child we were placed with. That’s just not the case

from an adoption forum

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